.::Five things I swore I'd never do as a Mom::.

5 Things I swore that I’d never do as a mom…

1. Spit-clean my kid’s faces. When my boys were younger, I carried baby wipes. I used those for everything. Wiping butts, cleaning sticky hands, wiping filthy faces, wiping gunk off of tables, etc. Now that the boys are older and not in diapers, I don’t carry baby wipes with me everywhere. It makes it really inconvenient to clean their faces when there is nothing around to do it with. But something I always carry with me… Mom spit. It has healing powers.  It can clean faces, boo-boos, sanitize candies and binkies that were dropped on the floor and has many more uses. They should bottle it and sell it in stores. Maybe not. That’s kind of gross, but you get the point.

   

2. Buy them character tees / shoes / light up shoes. I swore I would NOT be that mom who buys their child character tees, light up shoes, etc. It just reminds me of the thrift store clothing, those kids whose hair is always a mess, with layers of dirt on their face (their mom is obviously in need of some major mom spit). It’s hard to resist buying them those things, though. Why do kids have to be SO DARN CUTE?!?!? It’s hard to say no to those faces, especially when we know that the blinky shoes will make them run like Dash from The Incredibles, and that shirt with Phineas and Ferb’s face on it will make them the envy of their entire class at school. Oh, the ideals we sacrifice for our children.

  

3. Binkies. My children would never use a Binky. And I would never call them Binkies. Those things are more addictive than cocaine…. I’ve heard. I always pictured those 5 year olds you see walking around with a binky and a bottle. But then I had Christopher. He was a colic-y baby. He screamed all the time. I got no sleep unless I was holding him. It was as if he was a mind reader. As soon as I even thought about putting him down, he would wake up screaming. Enter the binky. Put that magic device in his mouth, and….. *hear that??* Silence!! It’s a mute button for babies. I will never again judge someone for giving their child a binky. Well, maybe only if the child is 5 years old… Then they’ve got bigger fish to fry than their 5 year old with a binky.  

4. Guns. I didn’t want to be the mom whose kids are constantly shooting guns. But they’re boys. Isn’t that what boys are supposed to do? And think back to the good old days when we played cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers and superheroes. Enter Nerf guns. They can’t hurt anything, right? Then enter a step-dad who shoots guns…. Then we get conversations like this between Christopher and a girl in his class at school. She was sad because they had baby chicks, but rats got to them and killed them. Christopher’s response to this poor girl? “What am I supposed to do about it? I can’t do anything. But maybe Eric can. He’s got guns. He can shoot the rats.” *Sigh* I think I’ve lost this battle.

5. Be the enforcer.  I was never going to be THAT MOM that would discipline other people’s children. After all, that was their job, right? But then I became a mom. That changed everything. After all, the safety of my kids is at stake when other people’s children misbehave, right? Ugh. The other day as I was picking Christopher up from school there were some boys that were messing with a bush full of wasps. Of course, I watched for a little bit, not saying anything. Looking to my right, I see a mom with a young child in a stroller standing on the other side of the bush. Then it kicks in. The Enforcer. To the rescue. Walking over, in my meanest teacher voice, I told them that wasps are dangerous and there are other people around that could get hurt because of their stupidity and they needed to get away from that bush NOW. Well, maybe I didn’t put it exactly like that. I know that kids do stupid things, it’s because their pre-frontal cortex isn’t developed enough yet (sorry, masters class vomit) but the least us moms can do is to keep our kids… and whoever else is in listening range… from doing anything life threatening.